MacDracor's Rambles

Late night discoveries

2012-02-18T01:43:00.000-08:00

Turns out I like chamomile tea. Like, just chamomile. I used to think I didn't. But, I was low on Sleepy Time tea in my sampler box, so I went halvsies. And it was so good, that tonight I am having straight up chamomile.
I really need to get some sleep...

Losing faith

2012-02-14T02:44:00.001-08:00

I've been laying here in bed for hours. Sleep aid not aiding me. But I think I may be closer to understanding why I've been so depressed lately.
I believe certain things. Very strongly. Good always wins. Love can conquer anything. I'm a hopeless romantic at heart.
And I'm losing faith in love. I want to believe in romance, love triumphing against all odds, In happily ever after...
But I don't think I do anymore. And I don't know how to get that back.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Gestures

2011-12-25T23:51:00.001-08:00

I got the flu shot today. Pharmacist says incubation period is about 9 days. He figured I won't be sick until after a few days after new years. To be safe, I'm going into reclusion new years day.

-- Posted From My iPhone

Every little bit helps!

2011-12-17T10:59:00.000-08:00

After weeks and weeks of super slow business, I finally have a signed contract! It's a small job, just over 2k after taxes, but the homeowner is a realtor and brought up referrals unsolicited. So, she's already planning on name dropping if we do a good job.
Downside is, I have to hurry because BOTH the guys are leaving soon! One on vacation, the other moving :-(

Ok, so maybe that wasn't very smart.

2011-12-11T08:16:00.000-08:00

Insomnia can make you do strange things. By 6 am, I still couldn't sleep. Too many thoughts running through my head. So I went for a run. I went 3.5 miles, after not having run since early July. My knee feels like it's going to fall off...
But maybe now I can get some sleep.

Funniest. Thing. EVER.

2011-12-10T02:16:00.001-08:00

http://ohcomeon.ytmnd.com/

Nuff said.

Insomnia is a bitch

2011-12-07T02:31:00.001-08:00

2:30 am. Laying in my chair with my bear. Familiar story. Exhausted beyond belief, but can't sleep. It's been like this for almost two weeks now.
And here's the craziest part. She thinks I don't miss her, that it's easy for me and I'm moving on.
In fact, I think that hurts more than anything else right now.

-- Posted From My iPhone

Well, shit. What else can happen?

2011-11-30T17:10:00.001-08:00

My truck is fucked. Need a new one. Still owe about 3k on it.

-- Posted From My iPhone

Sleepless nights

2011-11-28T05:44:00.001-08:00

This is really hard. It takes a real conscious effort not to call. I hope she's doing ok, but I have no way to know.

-- Posted From My iPhone

Holidays

2011-11-25T13:20:00.001-08:00

I miss the days when holidays were fun.

-- Posted From My iPhone

Random recipe!

2011-11-13T19:38:00.000-08:00

So, I made a simple, healthy dinner that was amazing.

Got two whole chicken breasts (boneless, skinless) that were still attached to each other. Spread them open and layered sliced green, yellow, and red bell peppers. Then sprinkled some shredded cheese (generic three cheese package) and a slice of pepperjack.
Closed the breast like a sandwich, and baked at 425 for about 40 minutes. SOOO freaking good. And pretty healthy!
So, I had to share.

Oy...

2011-11-11T23:26:00.001-08:00

I think I'm losing my hair. This is not normal for finger-combing.
-.-

-- Posted From My iPhone

Who Moved My Cheese? Book Review

2011-09-26T16:08:00.000-07:00

A friend recently handed me a book called Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson. that he was forced to read at work. It didn't take me long to read, though I admit that I skipped the THREE prefaces. The story is about two mice, Sniff and Scurry, and two "Littlepeople" named Hem and Haw, who live in a maze and look for Cheese every day. Then they find cheese, but the supply runs out. The mice accept change and go look for more, while the littlepeople resist and almost starve to death.
After reading it, I said something about not being entirely sure, but thinking that I had actually become stupider since reading it. And my friend instantly corrected my grammar. *facepalm*
This book is a New York Times bestseller. Not because it is good, but because corporate managers and business owners buy up thousands of copies and pass them out to employees. This way, rather than explain why they are randomly changing things, they can just tell people to shut up and act like the mice.
It's horrible! Possibly the worst book I have ever read! It is stupid, inane, condescending, and utterly insulting to anyone with powers of reasoning above those of a third grader!
The worst part... there are people out there who actually find it inspirational. I am horrified, and was left speechless. In fact, it took me days to find the words to write this.
If you own a business, or manage a large office, please do not insult your employees by forcing them to read this drivel, and get this crap OFF the bestseller list!

Seriously

2011-08-14T05:20:00.001-07:00

Whoever invented 5 am should be pistol whipped.

-- Posted From My iPhone

Location:Home

Have you ever...?

2011-06-29T01:42:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been asked a question that you were afraid to tell the answer to? So you lie. And it seems so small, and innocent. Sure, you feel bad, but it's not like they'll ever know... Then they ask again later, and you tell the same lie. It eats away at you, feels like a rock in your stomach, you're ashamed.
And then, they find out you lied. It's such a jumble of feelings. On the one hand, you're even more ashamed of lying than of what you lied about. On the other hand, you don't have to lie anymore. It's a relief. But then it gets worse. You've lied, and been caught. It doesn't matter if that was the only lie you have told in your life, now they don't trust you.
So then everything you say becomes suspect. Maybe you're lying about other things. And of course, saying that it's true doesn't do a damned thing, because you could be lying. So what do you do? Give up and accept that you'll pay for that mistake for the rest of your life? Trust is a tricky thing. It can take years to earn and only seconds to lose. Can you get it back? Maybe... but it isn't easy.
Even the least intuitive reader has probably figured out by now that this is not hypothetical. I told a lie, a couple times, and I got caught. How I got caught is not important.
So now, I am faced with a woman who thinks she can't trust me. I lied about smoking because I was ashamed to admit I had started again. So maybe I've lied about school? About work? Maybe I've been seeing other people and lying about it? I'm not sure what else she could think I'm lying about, but it's #3 there that worries her the most.
I'm a One Woman Man who's One Woman isn't there anymore. So what's a heartbroken man to do? Do I write this off as a lost cause and a lesson learned?
Or do I say to myself "It took a long time to build up her trust. It may take ten times as long to get it back. But if I can, it'll be worth every moment, and every bit of effort."?
It's easy to give up. It's easy to stop trying, and to refuse to try anymore. I could give up, and just accept that she's gone and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. But that's the coward's way out. It takes real strength and courage to take a chance, to put yourself out there on the limb, knowing full well you are likely to fall. It takes guts to take the risk of being hurt again. The odds are against me. But I've never really been one to play the odds. And some things in life... are worth waiting for. And worth fighting for.
So. Simply put, I'm putting myself out there. I'm announcing to the world what I did, how it blew up in my face, and what she's afraid I might have also done.
If I have anything left to hide, the internet is probably the worst place to try to hide it!

Goals

2011-06-18T22:39:00.001-07:00

I want a chimpanzee in a white tuxedo to serve drinks at my parties. I don't think that's too much to ask for in life.

-- Posted From My iPod Touch

Is it bad...?

2011-06-08T23:35:00.001-07:00

So it's my second glass of wine. Though normal sized glasses, I'd be on my fourth. Is it bad that I don't feel it yet? I think I'm drinking it too fast. Bottle is empty...

Update: 00:36 am
Oh! There it is. I feel it now. My sister rocks. She's actually bringing my cat over so he can sleep with me because I miss him and I'm too drunk to drive home. Thank goodness for autocorrect on the iPhone or Thos would not be readable. Too bad it thinks Thos is a word...

-- Posted From My iPhone

Location:Kate's place

Does it get any easier?

2011-06-03T22:26:00.001-07:00

I'm sitting on the beach. I'm probably not supposed to be here this late. The park closed hours ago.
It was one year ago, today, that I lost my baby. And not long after that, I lost his mother. Oh, we still talk, but I've long since lost her. I still don't know why, and on days like today, it's hard.
She said that she has hoped I would forget about today. I'm sure she meant that kindly, but it didn't feel kind. I relive that day, every single day. I'm so tired of hurting.
Tonight, I wrote his name in the sand. I wish she would have come with me, as we'd planned. But she had already done this and didn't want to. I feel so incredibly lost right now. And alone. I just don't know what to do. So I guess I'll sit here for a while.
I think I'm broken. I can't even cry anymore.

-- Posted From My iPhone

Location:Owen Beach

Guy With a Shovel

2011-05-09T00:33:00.000-07:00

A few short weeks ago, I learned that changes to the GI Bill were going to make my life exceedingly difficult. One day, it was "Thank you for your service, we will take good care of you for the next three years while you go to school." and the next day it was "You know all that stuff we promised you? Well, we changed our mind. Full time student and full time job or drop out of school. Have a nice day."
So, after some panic, then some grumbling, I started to look for a new job. The part time one on campus simply wasn't going to be enough to keep me housed and fed. But I started running into an irritating problem.
Every place I applied to, the story was the same. "We would love to hire you! You're perfect for the job. But your schedule sucks because you are a student. So come back when you're not in school anymore."
I found myself in the situation of needing a job to remain a student, but not being able to get a job so long as I was a student. Oh, and any interruption in my school would further decrease my benefits, so a break to get established in a new job simply is out of the question.
And then Betty suggested that I do what she did. Start my own business. My initial reaction was something along the lines of "Are you fucking nuts?" Of course, what I actually texted back was more like "Doing what? I don't have a great deal of marketable skills."
After some back and forth, the topic of landscaping came up. Then some more back and forth as I expressed concern that there are... shall we say, minorities... who will do that work for pennies on the dollar of what I would need to survive. And she pointed out that there are many who charge less than she does for the same work, but because she is reliable and does a high quality job, people will pay for it. Damn that woman for sticking ideas in my head! LOL
And thus, Guy With a Shovel was born.
Guy With a Shovel LLC is just over three weeks old now, and doing decently. With all the licenses, insurance and the bond needed for such a business, startup costs were a bit higher than I anticipated. Largely because I failed to do enough research beforehand. But at three weeks old, I have almost recouped my startup costs, and I expect to have done so completely before the end of the month.
Having a mind for numbers and business in general, Betty does quite well at this sort of thing. It's all very logical, intuitive, obvious, and easy for her. Not so for me, and she's been very frustrated by my questions at times.
Still, she's been an enormous help, and I don't think I could have done this without her guidance. She has even put up flyers for me while out doing her own business. No matter where life takes me, or if Guy With a Shovel is still around in a few years, I'll always be grateful to her.
The American Dream is (or at least used to be) self sufficiency through hard work. I don't know how far this business will go, or how big it will get. But I have to say, it feels nice to be my own boss, even if it is even more restrictive at times.
For any who might be interested, my website is www.guywithashovel.com

The Sky is Falling! The Sky is Falling! Buck buck bcGAW!

2011-03-18T23:16:00.000-07:00

So, I was directed to a youtube video by someone who was forced to watch it by their SO.
At first I Lol'd. Then I was like, WTF? Then I Lol'd again. Then I facepalmed. Just a couple questions. One, who IS this guy? And when he said "modern scientists" who the hell is he talking about? Is this his D&D group? Since the only people on the intertubes who use the term "galactic equinox" are on sites like survive2012.com and endoftheworld.bs I'm afraid I'm going to have to go with actual science on this one. That is, laugh at this, and cry for those who believe it.
And for those of you who need a laugh, a cry, and a facepalm, here you go!'

EDIT:
OMFG! At the bottom of this video, you'll often see "saintbirgitta.com" I was curious. *facepalm*
I just *HAD* to look. So, it's a religious site (duh) with, down one side, screenshots from movies claiming to be real videos of real demons being exorcised and such nonsense. Hollywood should sue. Down the other side is a list of links to rosaries, warnings about stuff you have to a)read b)believe to be saved.
And then, to top it all off, I Lol'd so hard when I got to the bottom. They have a Paypal donation button because they are in financial need. They're going to lose their website (what a tragedy). Now listen, I know what it costs to host a website. Somewhere around 20 bucks. A year. Depending on who you go through, of course.
Soooo.... what we have here is "We're trying to save you! Read this, buy our rosaries! You gotta believe us! The world is ending! Oh, and by the way, can you spare a buck?" I wonder how many poor suckers have sent them hundreds of dollars to spend on underage prostitutes. All in the name of God.

Remember this

2011-02-21T00:29:00.000-08:00

So, I just watched an episode of Legend of the Seeker, which is based, very loosely, on the Sword of Truth books by Terry Goodkind. EXCELLENT books, I very highly recommend them. Anywho, in this episode, a magical device is used to transplant memories into people's minds. At the end, Zedd offers to use the Orb to remove the false memory from Richard's mind.
Which makes me wonder... if it were actually possible to erase a memory, would you remember having remembered it before? For example, if I removed a memory of a day spent with the love of my life, something I have often recalled fondly, would I remember all the times that I sat down and remembered that day?
Learning about memory in Anatomy & Physiology class, I'm being told that individual memories are stored in the form of reinforced neural pathways. In other words, a signal from Neuron A travels through a specific axial terminal to Neuron B, which then sends it to Neuron C and so on. But a different memory could be sent from Neuron A along a different axial terminal to Neuron F, and then loop around back to Neuron B. The specific memory depends on the path followed by the electrochemical signal.
So, when we remember something, does this form new memories (I remember having remembered this) or simple reinforce the old ones? If I associate sitting in my chair with remembering laying on the beach, and then remove the original memory of the beach, would I remember sitting in the chair and remembering it? Or would I remember sitting in the chair and wonder what I'd been thinking of?
Where's a Neuroscientist when you need one??? This is gonna bug me... *le sigh*

Fighting back!

2011-01-24T09:02:00.000-08:00

Inorganic Chemistry has been trying to kill me. But I'm not going to take it lying down! Fighting back! And I think I kicked some serious inorganic ass on this test. Suppose I'll find out soon enough...

Nifty stuff

2011-01-16T19:26:00.000-08:00

So, I got a free microwave using Freecycle. It's almost an antique, and it's huge, but it was free. My apartment wish list is down to just 6 items, a couple I can probably find at the dollar store or something. Yay me!

OMG I MUST SHARE THIS!!!

2011-01-07T12:55:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I read the Sleep Talkin' Man's blog. Every day, generally, but with the internet out, I got behind. But I absolutely MUST share the following line!

ADAM:	Stop trying to jiggle me!
KAREN:	I'm not trying to jiggle you! I'm trying to reassure you.
ADAM:	If that's reassurance, I'd rather be scared.

Is this not awesome or what? http://sleeptalkinman.blogspot.com/

For those of you wishing to break free

2011-01-07T10:53:00.000-08:00

I tried to quit smoking more than half a dozen times. Something always got in my way, and I would make an excuse to start up again. Sometimes, it was stress. Sometimes it was fatigue, sometimes it was a personal tragedy, but it was never a good excuse to start again.
And yet... somehow, I would always let it break my will. Of course, this always resulted in me feeling weak willed, filling myself with this... self loathing and hatred for my weakness. I thought that if I was a strong person, I should be able to just put the stupid thing out and walk away, never looking back. As it turns out, this is a common feeling.
No smoker WANTS to be a smoker. And no nonsmoker wants to be either. So, if all smokers want to be nonsmokers, and all nonsmokers are happy being nonsmokers... Why is it so damned hard to quit? At the risk of sounding TOO American here, isn't there an easy way to quit?????
Actually... there is.
During my last attempt, while irritable, feeling ill and REALLY wanting a cigarette, my sister recommended this book to me, and I was skeptical. A book that will make we quit? And one that claims to be fast, easy and painless? Surely, you jest!
Well, the truth is, it was fast. I started one evening and finished the next morning.
It was easy. My cravings vanished, and I didn't miss it one bit.
It was painless. Withdrawal? What withdrawal?
The book begins by explaining the author's background, which is always good, and then goes into how he formulated his method, which he calls, quite simply, "The Easy Way." Poetic, eh? It then begins to explain the nature of, and deconstruct the illusions of the addiction.
By the end of the book, one begins to experience an understanding for their situation. I was actually able to forgive myself for having smoked for so long, and simply walk away feeling good about my nonsmoking self.
And so, I took this moment to share this with you because blogger just shoved a new feature in my face.
Ta da!!!

This book is worth MUCH more than anyone charges for it. If it cost as much as my Anatomy & Physiology textbook, I would STILL recommend it. It's worth it. You owe it to yourself.
It took me a long time to quit, and I hated myself every time I lit a cigarette. I knew it was killing me, slowly, from the inside. I also knew how much it bothered the people I loved, and yet, even though I actually cried once while smoking, I couldn't make myself stop.
It's not weak willed, it's drug addiction. And armed with the right psychology, it's not as hard to break free as we think.
And remember, you're not giving up cigarettes, you're breaking free from them!

This week...

2011-01-05T16:55:00.000-08:00

This week has been nuts. Moved on Sunday, starting at noon. Had an amusing shower incident, went and got a coffee pot and some other stuff (more on that later), and realized I didn't know which box my cups were in... So by 2 am I was almost completely unpacked, bed put together, and I went to sleep for 4 hours before getting up for school. It's been hectic, pretty much nonstop, with trying to get everything settled here, no internet, forgetting things at Mom's house, figuring out my work schedule, dealing with this whole internet thing...

But tomorrow, I have only two classes. Friday, only one... I think the craziness is tapering off now. And then I have the weekend! All I need now is a wireless router (I'm tethered! *sob* And whining. LOL) and some beer!

Definitely need some beer......

Ok, so off to work for the second time today. I swear I have driven back and forth between home and school a dozen times today. It's been nuts. But tomorrow should be SO much easier. Just gotta remember to get that attendance verification form..... Stupid VA wants proof I'm going to class.

But hey, things look pretty good from this seat here in my very own living room!

I haz internetz!!!

2011-01-05T16:52:00.001-08:00

YAY! I'm back online!

New Apartment: Day 1

2011-01-03T14:21:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I love my new place! It's tiny, but it's actually really nice and it's MINE! I like things that are mine. Tee hee!

Last night, I was going to hop in the shower, was already stripped down and water running, about to step in and I realize.... I don;'t have shower curtains. And my towels are still packed.

So, yeah. Oops. Got a curtain now, got the towels out, wanted a drink of water and my coffee cups for coffee in the am. Didn't remember where the mugs were packed...

So, by 2 am, I was almost completely unpacked because I'm so OCD that once I started, I had to keep going. Of course, had to wake up at 6 am for school....

So, new place = awesome!

4 hours of sleep = not so awesome!

3 minute commute to school = awesome!

I get my internetz hooked up wednesday. Very excited. And my grandma bought groceries for me as a housewarming present, to which, all I got is... "Awwwwwwww!"

Classes are going to be a heavy load this quarter, I can already tell. But hey, I won't be bored!!!

Reiterating, if you need to contact me before wednesday, Texting is THE best way to do so!

Gotta go get my yummy gift from grandma, then head home and get ready for work. Glad it's just a couple hours tonight. I'm so tired my bones ache!

New Apartment

2011-01-02T17:01:00.000-08:00

Hey all, and by all, I mean the 3 of you who read this regularly!

Just got moved into my new place, but internet doesn't start till wednesday, so unless I can mooch off neighbor, don't expect to see me online anywhere till then.

Hugs!

Fresh Starts

2011-01-01T21:48:00.001-08:00

There is something about the New Year that makes people want a fresh start. The oh, so cliche "resolution" is beyond tired, and yet, it continues year after year.

Well, I suppose some might consider this a resolution, but for me, it's just a new start.

I'm breaking free of old patterns and moving forward in my life, especially in areas that I'd been clinging to the past.

I am looking forward to new experiences, good and bad. 2010 was an up and down year, with some of the highest highs and lowest lows I've ever felt. I was sure it was going to end on a low, but then... it just started getting better, all on it's own. And I found myself spending the last two weeks of this year feeling really good.

Really good.

2010 was a great year, all in all. But I have this feeling that 2011 is going to be even better! It's going to be a helluva ride! Hold on tight!

Totally spaced on this!

2011-01-01T21:27:00.001-08:00

So, I mentioned quitting smoking and said I'd share what makes it different this time. Then I totally spaced on it. Lucky it was an offer of sharing, rather than something with a deadline. Or.. you know, something people actually read...

Nicotine addiction is an insidious, sly, and underhanded thing. It plays trick on your mind more than your body. And it doesn't help that society brainwashes us to believe things that are not true.

Nicotine replacement therapy (patch, gum, etc) doesn't deal with the addiction, or the psychology behind it. It also, as I understand, has a fairly low success rate. Willpower! That's the real method, right? You say "I am going to quit!" and you simply refuse to smoke again no matter how badly you want it, no matter how much you crave it...

There are some remarkably strong willed people, who control every other aspect of their lives... yet cannot quit using just willpower. They aren't weak willed, but they feel like it when they think about quitting and the anxiety begins to rise...

This is something nonsmokers do not understand. Smokers wish they were nonsmokers. But even the thought of quitting can cause an immediate and powerful anxiety attack. No matter why we want to quit, we feel as though we are losing something precious.

Smoking is fun. It feels good. it tastes good. It relaxes me. It calms me down. It helps me focus. It relieves boredom.

Of course, not a single one of those statements is true. But the smoker believes that they are all true. So, when we try to quit, we are giving up something, losing something fun, tasty, relaxing, calming, etc. It's like losing a little friend we can carry in our pocket and bring out when we feel down. He'll cheer us up!

But it's all a lie!

Smoking tastes horrible! It continues to taste horrible long after I have finished the cigarette! It's not fun! It makes me cough! it makes me wheeze throughout the night! It raises my heart rate and creates stress so that it can give me the illusion of relieving stress! And hell, it's not that exciting. Smoking doesn't make a boring hour any less boring. Just smellier and deadlier.

Now, here's the crazy part.

All smokers know this!

Yeah, that's right. We know it. Come on, everyone knows it. But we don't feel it. We don't believe it. Because, in addition to all the chemical crap it does to us, there's a lot of subconscious programming in society. People have written books on the topic, so I'll leave it alone.

So, back to the matter at hand. What made this time different from all other attempts to quit smoking?

Allen Carr's The Easy Way to Quit Smoking illustrates the process, but basically, by examining all the illusions of nicotine addiction one by one, you destroy them. And you're left holding a smelly burning piece of paper and leaves that you don't even like.

Suddenly, you're not "giving up" smoking, you are escaping it!

I quit smoking more than 2 weeks ago, and I have not had a single craving. Not one. No withdrawal. No grumpiness or moodiness. No epic battles of willpower to keep from buying a pack...

Allen Carr is right. It was easy. The only difficult part is admitting that I didn't do this years ago. Every time I said I was quitting, some people were supportive, others disbelieving. Others offered me a smoke. But there was at least one individual who was hurt by my smoking. She never aid anything about it, but it was a major issue for her. I knew she didn't like it, but I never knew how much it ate away at her, or how she grew to resent me because of it.

Of course, she never knew that every time I lit a cigarette, for whatever reason, I would look at it and feel this... disgust. Self loathing. I hated myself every time I smoked. I thought I was weak willed, and a hypocrite.

Perhaps it is too late to apologize to those people whom my smoking has hurt, but some good has come from it, besides the obvious of cleaner air, better health, and a few hundred bucks a month.

I no longer hate myself. And that is priceless. So, to those few out there who still believe, and have even predicted to me, that I will fail in my attempt to quit smoking, I must say I am pleased to disappoint you. Because I am not trying to quit. I quit weeks ago. I am a nonsmoker, and I am thrilled about it!

Yoga

2010-12-15T19:48:00.000-08:00

So... I just signed up for Yoga and Tai Chi. Going to cost me about 1 hundred bucks a month, but considering that most places charge 10-20 bucks per session just for yoga, and I get unlimited sessions... conceivably, this is a great deal.

I was evaluated today for energy blockages, balance, flexibility, coordination, etc. Seems that I have good balance and my flexibility ranges from amazing to awful, depending on the joint. Coordination is decent. She was surprised by how good my breathing was and how strong my heart is, but I had severe, and I mean SEVERE energy blockages in the digestive tract.

Also, my right leg is longer than my left. Which isn't that odd. But she was very shocked to see that I don't compensate by raising my left shoulder. I raise my right shoulder. So, something really strange is going on in my lower back.

Anyway, since I can go as many times as I want, I'm totally not going to be bored until school starts. Plus, I'm going to be volunteering for Tacoma Rescue Mission.

So, I have cured the boredom issue. Yay for that!

People have been recommending yoga and tai chi to me for years. First, Dan Millman through his books, then Betty talking about her yoga experiences. Even just that hour and a half taste of it was enough for me to say I am going to be hooked on it. And it should really help with my running.

I wonder if those intestinal energy blockages have something to do with why I can go from sedentary to running 12 mile weeks in just a few months and not lose much weight... Guess I'll find out!

P.S. I still love you.

Still manage to surprise myself from time to time...

2010-12-14T22:14:00.000-08:00

I discovered, just a moment ago, that I really love pineapple! This is startling only because I didn't before. I mean, it was ok, but I could take it or leave it. And I actually intensely disliked it for years.

But, I went to the store for a late night juice fix. Seems that while no one else in the house will admit to drinking juice, it seems to vanish awfully fast. So, I went to go get some. While I was there, figured a few apples for snacks, since I've had exactly that craving several times this week, especially after runs. Then I saw a little fruit bowl. Strawberry, honeydew, cantaloup, watermelon, blueberries and pineapple all freshly cut up earlier today and sitting in their own juices. I figured, what the hell, and got a small one. Strawberries good. Seedless watermelon a little bland. Honeydew excellent, cantaloup ok, blueberries good. Pineapple AMAZING.

Everything tasted so much stronger than the last time I had any of them individually. I wonder if it has something to do with quitting smoking recently... Even the "quit smoking cough" has subsides for the most part.

Been about a week since I smoked, I think. Hard to say, since the days kinda blur when you don't have a job or school. But no cravings whatsoever. I don't miss it at all. Finally, I am not "trying" to quit smoking, I HAVE quit smoking. And it feels great! I feel free, like I escaped some dark prison where chins were rapped around my chest 24/7.

And I am finding I have more energy for runs. I went twice today just because I was bored. Downside is, I'm having issues with chafing. I need to lose a few more lbs of fat. Lost about 10 lbs of fat so far, but gained about 5 lbs of muscle. So, I look better, but I'm not much smaller.

Also, on a whim, I grabbed one of those Odwalla juice blend thingies. It's chilling right now. I'll let you know how it is. I have my doubts... after all, there's beet juice in it...

Updated an hour later: Odwalla Red Rhapsody Fruit Smoothie Blend. Two thumbs up! It's awesome!

P.S. I still love you.

Completely Random Battlestar Galactica Quote

2010-12-07T01:08:00.000-08:00

"Listen, it may feel like hell but sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one."

The Piano Player

P.S. I still love you.

I couldn't not have a tree.

2010-12-06T01:14:00.000-08:00

My mother did not want a tree for Christmas, this year. She claimed there was no place to put it. With everything else going on in my life, the thought of not even having a Christmas tree was just too much.

So, I got my own.

I wanted blue lights, and I hate picking up needles, so I opted for a fake tree. More economical, anyway. It took me a while to realize that I was not going to find a small tree pre-lit with blue lights, and no one seemed to be selling them unlit.

So, I got one with white lights and replaced the strand. That was a nightmare. I have never seen a more convoluted, backwards, twisted system of putting lights on a tree! It took me over an hour to get the string of lights off, and the tree is only four feet tall!

But, I got the white lights on.

A little blue and silver for the garland and decorations, and a silver star for the top, and it feels fairly complete to me. It fits, I think.

Not the best picture, I know, but I was in a hurry. The table it sits on is nearly level with my bed, so you can see how tall it is from there. There are three presents underneath it right now. One is for my brother (I got his name in the drawing this year) and the other two... well, we all know who they are for.

And there's my Teddy Bear, Perrin on the bed. Yes. I sleep with a teddy bear. Shaddup. He's not going anywhere. MINE.

On a completely unrelated note, would anyone like some guppies? Mine have, shall we say, decided to expand their population a bit. Won't be long before I need to pawn off a few so the tank doesn't become crowded. Also, I'm beginning to think the second batch of fry were swordtails, and the third were mollies. My fish are whores...

The molly females got ich recently, but my isolation ward saved them, and they're all back together, one big happy, fishy family.

P.S. I still love you.

Still working on this...

2010-12-03T10:36:00.000-08:00

I am trying to figure out how to upload my research paper as a downloadable pdf file here. Anyone know how? If worse come to worst, I'll just paste it in here... but it's really long so I'd rather not.

But, I'll give you the first paragraph at least.

Out With the Old, In With the New: Is it Time?

Five hundred and sixty nine thousand, four hundred and ninety men and women will have died from cancer by the close of 2010. That’s the United States government’s estimate. (“SEER Cancer Statistic Review” Table 1.1) That’s too many people. Each year hundreds of thousands of people are diagnosed with some form of cancer. Each year, hundreds of thousands of those people will die, to say nothing of the devastating effects cancer has on the loved ones of those who suffer from it. Current treatment methods involve beaming ionizing radiation into the body and pumping the bloodstream full of toxic chemicals. Both of these treatments themselves can cause cancer, in addition to causing nausea, hair loss, immune deficiency, loss of bone density, depression, and many other symptoms. Radiation and chemotherapy have been used for decades; but in recent years there has been a great deal of focus on gene-based therapies to try to fight cancer on a genetic level: preventing the cells from growing and dividing, or making them die off without harming healthy tissue. Some of these gene therapies have been in testing for years and have not yet been approved by the FDA. One might wonder if the FDA is being overly cautious about approving radical new technology. After all, with the death toll already so high, could the situation get any worse? People who have had cancer affect their lives are asking the same question: are new gene therapies to fight cancer ready to begin phasing out dangerous radiation and toxic chemotherapy? To answer, one must first understand the history of radiation and chemotherapy, and compare the current mortality rates to clinical trials currently under evaluation.

I know, it's long, but here it is.

P.S. I still love you.

takes a tentative look outside

2010-11-29T08:42:00.001-08:00

No snow... roads clear... Good. School should not be cancelled today. Given that the final draft of our research paper is due Wednesday, I'd really like to turn in the rough draft before then.

Since this is just an English 101 paper and not some Doctoral Thesis where the project cannot be discussed before publishing, I'll share what it's about with you.

Obviously, Cancer is a topic close to my heart. Treatment of it is something I'm very interested in. If sheer willpower could make research into finding a cure occur quicker, there'd be no cancer by now, just from my desire for it to be so.

I think most lay people and probably most researchers will agree that the future of cancer treatment lies in genetics. Using gene therapy to combat cancer at the molecular level. Perhaps to prevent it from ever occurring, perhaps to cause it to self destruct.

Every now and then, we see an article in a mainstream newspaper giving the bare bones details of some new genetic cancer treatment, dumbed down to a high school reading level. Yet, for those who sit in the waiting rooms, or who have loved ones in the waiting rooms, there still is no sign of the magic genetic injection.

Why? I posed the question for my research paper "Are new gene based therapies ready to phase out traditional radio and chemotherapies to treat cancer?"

On Wednesday, when the final draft is turned in, I'll attempt to put my paper on this blog as a pdf for anyone who wishes to read it.

In the meantime, only about a week or so left of school this quarter. I'm all registered for next quarter, the VA has paid the college for next quarter's tuition, and by tomorrow, I'll know if I will also have a job for the winter quarter.

Three classes and a part time job out to keep me busy. Too bad that doesn't start till January. December is going to be long and slow for me, I think. I need a hobby. Something time consuming and involved enough to keep me focused. Any ideas? Anyone? Bueller?

P.S. I still love you.

Does everyone know what time it is?

2010-11-25T03:47:00.000-08:00

It's Chick Flick time!

Yes, I am by my own admission, a guy who likes chick flicks. Though usually, a specific title has to be recommended to me. Sometimes it's a lady friend, sometimes family, rarely movie critics. I don't trust them.

So, a little while back, someone recommended that I watch "A Walk to Remember." Partially because it's a good movie, but also to try to explain a point that I just wasn't getting in a conversation.

I just stayed up till almost 4 to watch it. And.... *drumroll*

Still don't get the point. In fact, I think this movie was a beautiful, well written testament to some things that I have always believed.

The biggest being that life is too short to waste time not loving. Whether it's cancer or a car crash, we're all dying. Some of us may have a more specific timeframe during which we can expect our deaths, but none of us can avoid it.

So, what do we do in the meantime?

I say, skydive. Build a telescope to see a comet. Straddle a state line. Have your mom teach you to dance. Sit under a blanket all night and watch the stars. Take a road trip to nowhere just to go. Do something crazy!

I've recently been rereading the Peaceful Warrior books by Dan Millman. Death is discussed quite often in them. Socrates describes death as just "a change. A bit more radical than puberty, but nothing to get upset about." Then states that the sad thing is that most people never live at all.

*****SPOILER ALERT*****

All through this movie, I was bracing myself, expecting the ending to make me cry because I'm a total wimp for chick flicks with sad endings. But... it wasn't that sad at all. Yes, she died. But she died happy, and she spent the last months of her life living, and loving. And he never had to look back and regret not being there with her at the end. For a movie dealing with love and death, I don't think there could have been a more touching ending.

If the guys back in Germany read this, I know I'm gonna catch some crap. LOL Eh, who cares?

P.S. I still love you.

Impossible goals

2010-11-22T22:09:00.000-08:00

So, I ran 7 miles two weeks ago, and I thought to myself "If I can run 10 miles by the 20th, I bet I could run the Seattle Half Marathon on the 28th."

I got told what I already knew: That's crazy. Yeah, it's crazy. It's almost twice as far as I have ever run, and the weather is getting worse, which means my knee is worse. But I wanted it. I wanted it bad.

I needed an impossible goal. I needed something to reach for that seemed impossible, but that I was going to do anyway. I wanted to prove, to myself, and to a couple others, that I could do it. That I could do whatever I set out to do.

Sometimes, I make promises or statements or set goals that seem impossible. But I ran the half marathon distance yesterday, and I'm not even as sore as I'd expect. I ran it in the snow. Unfortunately, I can't really afford to enter the Seattle Half Marathon. It's 100 bucks that I just don't have to spare right now. But the point is, I gave myself 3 weeks, and did it in two.

Nothing is impossible if you want it bad enough, and you're willing to work for it.

I have another impossible goal right now. It'll be harder. It'll take longer. It will push me to my limits and beyond. And it has nothing to do with running. But I want it. And I will wait for it, fight for it, and work for it no matter how long it takes.

Because, hey... Nothing is impossible.

P.S. I still love you.

Foster Care

2010-11-19T10:10:00.001-08:00

So, seems my cousin Devon will be staying with us for a few days after all. I was just picking up around the house for CPA's visit, and kept having to stop myself from thinking in terms of infant proofing. Last time I saw this kid was 7 or 8 years ago. He's bigger now. I don't have to tie up and tuck away every electrical plug and move small objects out of reach to avoid choking.

Still kept doing it though. I suppose better safe than sorry. Hopefully, they get all this straightened out and he can go home to his dad soon. That'll be best for everyone.

In other news, I am fully registered for next quarter, with a pretty full schedule. I have Psych, Chem and Bio all in the morning. I'll be in class daily from about 0730 to about 1330. And I might even be getting a job on campus for the afternoons. That'll be nice. The extra income should be enough to let me move into my own place. I'm thinking... small apartment near TCC. Cut down on gas usage for commuting. And if it's close enough, there's a big grocery store right there, too. Close enough to Pt Defiance and Ruston Way that driving there for long runs will even be a small matter.

While I am sure I can reach 13.1 miles in time for the Seattle Half Marathon, with things being so tight till the end of the month, I'm thinking it's best to sit this one out. Bummer. Half Marathon, free blanket, shirt and massage sure sound nice... Oh well. I may go volunteer to hand out race packages, cups of water or whatnot. Or maybe even just cheer the runners on. I'll run the half marathon distance on my own later in the day.

I figure by the time this race comes around again in 2011, I'll be signing up for the full marathon. At least, I hope so. My old injuries hold me back a lot, but I've gotten pretty good at knowing which pain I can run through and which pain means "Sit down NOW." Besides, there've been marathon runners with only one leg. I'm sure I can manage with two mostly functional ones.

P.S. I still love you.

Grant me the serenity...

2010-11-12T13:23:00.001-08:00

It took me some time to get to this point. It wasn't easy. But late one night, I finally understood.

Regardless of what I believe to be right or wrong, I cannot make decisions for others. And I cannot change her mind.

I still love her with all my heart, I still want her more than I've ever wanted anything in my life, I still hope that things between us will change for the better.

But it's not up to me to make that happen. And it probably won't happen anytime soon. I can mope and cry and change nothing, or I can get on with my life and just keep hoping.

So, I will continue in school. I'll work, study, find my own place, and work to improve myself and my situation. And if she decides someday she wants to try again, I'll be there.

I won't work to remind her every day that I still love her. That would be pushy and cruel; refusing to let the wounds heal.

Instead, the only sign she will get is from this blog, right here.

For as long as I continue to end my blog posts in the following manner, she will know that I'm waiting, and she can come back home at any time.

The new signoff for MacDracor's Rambles.

P.S. I still love you.

Songs

2010-11-07T12:19:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it's over

I watched the whole thing fall

And I never saw the writing that was on the wall

If I'd only knew

The days were slipping past

That the good things never last

That you were crying

Summer turned to winter

And the snow it turned to rain

And the rain turned into tears on your face

I hardly recognize

The girl you are today

And God, I hope it's not too late

It's not too late...

Because you are not alone

I'm always there with you

And we'll get lost together

Till the light comes pouring through

So when you feel like you're done

And the darkness has won

Babe, you're not lost

When you're world's crashing down

And you cannot bear the thought

I said babe, you're not lost.

Life can show no mercy

it can tear your soul apart

It can make you feel like you're going crazy

But you're not

Things have seemed to change

But one thing that's still the same

In my heart, you have remained

And we can fly, fly, fly away

Because you are not alone

And I am here with you

And we'll get lost together

Till the light comes pouring through

So when you feel like you're done

And the darkness has won

Babe, you're not lost

When you're world's crashing down

And you cannot bear the thought

I said Baby, you're not lost

I said, Baby, you're not lost.

Written by Michael Buble et al

Athletic success... Technological failure.

2010-07-09T22:59:00.000-07:00

The Nike + sensor stopped transmitting about halfway through my workout. That'll teach me to hit pause when I'm stopped at a "Don't Walk" crosswalk. I have to estimate distance.
By Google Maps, 2.5 miles in 27 minutes, 13 seconds.

So, my average pace has improved by about 20 seconds or so (not doing the math, just estimating). Well, let's hope there's no technological failures tomorrow so I can get a more accurate figure.

The Disease

2010-07-07T01:49:00.000-07:00

Love has been compared to an illness. Insomnia, chest pains, shortness of breath, despair... yet it can also be a great source of strength.
I have been running from pain, and tonight I ran towards hope. And I exceeded tonight's goal of 1.9 miles. My goal was 1.9 miles, up from last night's 1.8, though I set my Nike + iPod to 2.0 miles, for lack of more specific presets. And when it told me I had met my goal, the song "The Reason is You" was playing. And I just kept going.

2.11 miles in 22:47. I've been setting my goals too low. 2 miles by the end of the week? Make it 2.5 miles by the end of the week.

I'm no sprinter. I'm in this for the long haul. I'm committed. And one person out there knows that these words mean two things.

Goal not met... but exceeded.

2010-07-06T00:00:00.000-07:00

I aimed for 1.7 miles straight. Home to 72nd, back as far as 78th, then walk home.

But I made it to 80th, about 1.8 mile (by Google Maps) in 20 minutes, 50 seconds.

I don't know if my knee can take running this far on concrete every day, but I'll see what I can handle. My goal for the end of the week is 2.0 miles, that's here to 72nd, and back as far as 83rd.

Small goals first. But I want to enter into a 5k race before this summer is over. Maybe this will help me, after all.

I guess no matter what goals I'm talking about, the same advice applies.

I will not give up.

From Vita Nuovo, "New Life"

2010-07-05T13:16:00.000-07:00

"In that book which is my memory,
On the first page of the chapter that is the day when I first met you,
Appear the words, ‘Here begins a new life’."

Happy 4th of July.

2010-07-04T22:27:00.000-07:00

I have never known pain like this before. One moment, swimming in a sea of despair, the next riding a volcano of anger, the next, desperation like I am hanging off the edge of a cliff by a tuft of grass that is beginning to give way.

I do not know how to cope with this.

So I ran.

I put on my shoes and stepped outside. Every boom of colorful explosions set off by people spending the holiday with the ones they love was like a gunshot to my heart. But it didn't stop me.

I ran from my home to the corner of 72nd street, 1.3 miles away. On the way back, I caught my breath around 78th street and ran again, as far as 84th, another 0.4 miles. I limped the rest of the way home amidst the colorful noise of happiness I can't share.

It's not enough yet. But I can feel it building.

I will run until the pain in my body washes away the pain in my heart. 1.7 miles today. Tomorrow, let's try to get that in one stretch, not two.

I hurt.

And I don't know what else to do.

One month

2010-07-03T11:34:00.000-07:00

It's been exactly one month since I lost William. A few days ago, his mother left me over a combination of mistakes I made months ago but thought I had been forgiven for, and a sense that it was not right to "subject" me to her illness, though I had chosen freely to be involved with her in spite of it.

I'm feeling lost, adrift. In a crowd of people, I'm alone. Though I don't go out much. One pillow still smells just a little bit like her, and the bear she gave me is probably going to burst from how hard I squeeze it at night.

I just can't accept that this is over. There has never been anything more beautiful and special to me in my entire life. It was almost a decade after meeting her that I finally got to hold her in my arms an tell her I loved her.

I know that life with her is too special to give up on. Many may think I'm foolish, but I will fight for this for as long as I have breath.

And if you are reading this, consider the following.

We both still love each other. If love means anything at all, then it is worth fighting for.

I had a son

2010-06-08T23:21:00.000-07:00

Two people. Born within a year of each other on opposite sides of the world. A girl who endured more sadness and pain than any human should ever bear witness to. A boy who’s life was marked more by frustration and longing than anything else.

When they met, they both felt drawn to each other, but the time was not ripe. He was intimidated by her beauty and her surety. She was put off by the ill intended words of advice from those around her. And so, after knowing each other only in passing for a brief time, they parted ways. She remained in the city he was born in, while he travelled across the world, even passing through the town she had been born in, never knowing it’s signifigance to his own life.

Both sought to fill their longing with another love. Both failed over about five years. His own life still frustrating and empty, hers still painful, they found each other again, almost a full decade after their first meeting.

He had long ago resigned himself to the fact that she was not for him, and continued the frustrations love had always brought him. But there came a point, when he felt alone and adrift, that it dawned on him - she was there, and possibly willing.

She had found her own frustration, watching him flounder about with others, and told herself not to let her longing consume her.

Yet, like two magnets, they were drawn closer and closer until sparks flew and a passion they had never known was kindled between them.

And born of this passion was a new spark of life. As it grew, he knew deep down inside that this is what he had sought - to create a life and a family with her.

They shared the laughter, the joy of creating life. She had been here before, yet never with a happy ending. But they both were certain that this time would be different. Their love could overcome anything!

As the weeks passed, they became more certain. This child would be born into a world of warmth and love the likes of which only exist in stories these days.

Yet this joy was to be short lived. It came on the heel of two other tragedies. Lost lives and her life of pain eating her alive in the form of a cancer. With everything together, it was too much for her body.

The child was lost, less than four months into it’s existence. Before it had even taken its first breath.

The sadness consuming the boy and the girl was palpable. It surrounded them, filled them, and seemed as though it would never end. The wounds are still open.

Yet, they both felt that it was important for the memory to never die. And so, with raised voices, the two embraced and looked to the sky, declaring out loud.

“I had a son. No matter how briefly, I had a son. Don’t you dare forget him. I had a son.”

I had a son.

His name was William.

These are the days of my life...

2010-04-04T02:39:00.000-07:00

And this one began much as any other in these past few weeks... that is, unable to sleep and watching TV. But that's being literal, since it's almost 3 am.

I woke up after a crummy night's sleep and wasn't feeling well. I blame Taco Bell. Funny, even more than half a decade since I quit, I still prefer Taco Time. But the wine I just drank digresses.

I spent much of the first part of the day feeling rather unwell. Primarily in the lower digestive region, but with a headache and severe fatigue to boot. But, by noon, I was feeling better and decided I wanted to at least touch an iPad on the first day of availability, even though I want one of the 3G versions and can;t afford any of them right now.

So I went to Best Buy!

I only got about 10 minutes with it, and there were not many apps I had interest in preloaded. But, my word, what an amazing device! It didn't feel like a giant iPod, it felt like a flat computer. And so fast! Astoundingly responsive! I got to use the Pages app (for the unitiated, Pages in the Apple version of Word. And better! Neener neener!) and it was amazing. The web browser, even with such a low wifi reception was zippy!

The verdict: WANT WANT WANT WANT

Hey, did you know there's a Futurama movie? I didn't till today! And you can buy 3D TV now, too! And there's 3D stuff for the iPad, too!

Also, I drank a bottle of wine because I couldn't sleep. Night night!

Spam Comments

2010-02-13T12:08:00.000-08:00

I'm really very close to disallowing anonymous comments. Seems every day I get an e-mail notifying me of a new comment, usually pertaining to viagra or something equally random. What do you think? Require commenters to have a google account?

The Favorite Quasi-Uncle

2010-01-05T18:50:00.001-08:00

So, in the past few weeks, I've gotten to know Veronica and her kids. Thing is, I was apparently expected to magically know them upon arrival.

"Veronica and the girls are coming over."

"Who?"

"Veronica!"

"Who?"

"You know them, don't you?"

Apparently, my being out of the country for six years hadn't fully sunk in yet.

So, Veronica is my brother David's ex-girlfriend's sister. And she somehow became part of the family while I was gone. I guess she took care of my mom while she was injured.

Anywho, the girls, Veronica and Vivian (yes, she has her mother's name. Is there a "Junior" title for girls?) are 5 and 6.

And in the couple days of knowing them, I seem to have become the favorite Quasi-Uncle. Or favorite horse. Or favorite jungle gym. Or favorite monkey bars. Or favorite trampoline.

They are adorable, but what does she feed these two? A diet of pure sugar and caffeine???

They NEVER get tired! It's amazing! And slightly terrifying, since they like to play with me best. LOL

It happened! It really happened!

2009-12-14T01:25:00.000-08:00

OMG, I thought it might never happen... I walked into that office fully prepared to be told to come back with another document. But no, I'm done! I have in my possession, a document that states I have out processed the United States Air Force! I'm going home! and less than 22 hours till I hop on that plane! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The dreaded ER...

2009-12-13T17:09:00.003-08:00

Had to take a friend to the ER. He's just getting checked in now. Nothing major, but better safe than sorry.
Just two days left here. Hell, not even that. The rest of the evening, tomorrow and the first few hours of Tuesday.
I started looking at job listings, and I am hopeful I can find something that will meet my needs. There is no shortage of job listings. I'll be fine.

-- Posted From My iPod Touch

Location:LRMC, Landstuhl, Germany

Finality

2009-12-13T17:09:00.001-08:00

I am standing outside the house that has been my home for years. There is nothing inside it.
I have even unplugged the phone and Internet, so this will be posted at the next wifi hotspot that I find.
I finished my cleaning and clearing out with almost a half hour to spare. Interestingly enough, at the same time the landlord is expected, I have been requested to perform the role of alarm clock for someone in the USA who is considerably braver than I am. Braving the 3 am crowds for Black Friday shopping...
Kudos, but I hate crowded stores. Not to mention that I am on an extremely strict budget until further notice.
*sigh*
I miss Dog. I used to try to five him away whenever he irritated me, which was fairly often. But looking back, during my depression, he was my only real friend. Well, other than long distance friendships. I wish I could have brought him with me, but maybe this is better for him. Ok, I need to stop thinking about this.

Updated a week later: I really need to be better about posting these offline written ones in a timely manner...

-- Posted From My iPod Touch

Now wait just one cotton pickin minute!!!

2009-12-10T09:57:00.003-08:00

How the heck did my iPod know what street I was on???

A day without rain...

2009-12-09T15:56:00.001-08:00

Is like, not German.

-- Posted From My iPod Touch

Location:Friedrichstraße,Kaiserslautern,Germany

Issues and Delays

2009-12-08T23:26:00.000-08:00

So, I have decided that when I get out of here, I should write an E-Book titled "How to Out Process the US Air Force: The things no one tells you till the last second"

Should sell like hot cakes.

Seems every day, I get either a new piece of bad news, a new delay, or a new list of things to do that they tell me I should have had done weeks ago.

For a couple weeks now, the big delays I've been facing were Vehicle Registration and Housing. I got housing taken care of, but it took a lot of work, and help from my friends and family to get it all sorted. Vehicle Registration turned out to be more difficult. They refused to believe that I sold my Harley back in 06. They wanted some documents to prove it that of course I did not have, and if I did, would be with my other stuff winging it's way back to the US by now.

Took me until last night to finally track down copies of everything. Seriously, who used fax these days? In a world were a self employed florist or daycare provider can scan and e-mail a document in less than an hour on a busy day, why can't an international bank? Seriously, people. Join the 21st Century.

So, then there's the Separation Physical exam that I was supposed to have two months ago. Of course, it wasn't on ANY list I was given. I found out last Thursday. And the earliest they could get me in was next Monday. Since this has to be done before I can out process, I have had to rearrange my travel plans.

Also, I had made arrangements for a place to stay in North Carolina with some friends. I was under the distinct impression I would stay there for a couple weeks while getting my feet under me again, and find a place of my own in the process.

I found out last weekend (not this one that just passed, the one before) that they can only put me up for one day, and the cheapest apartment in the area is $900/month. Maybe it was just a misunderstanding about how long I'd stay, but it still would have been nice to have this cleared up a couple months ago.

So, looks like my road trip next year will start in Tacoma, WA. In the meantime, I get the distinct honor of being the fourth adult child to move back home with my mother... Yeah. Proud of THAT.

So here we go, boys and girls. I fly out next Tuesday, Dec 15th. See you on the flipside.

And on a totally unrelated note, I finished up Battlestar Galactica last night. I love that show SO MUCH. And I think the way they ended it was absolutely perfect. Considering where they were headed, I don't think there is any way to have integrated it into the history/future of Earth that would have been better.

In Memory

2009-12-05T15:03:00.000-08:00

There has been much tragedy in the last few days. So I would like to take a moment and ask those of you out there who are religious, to pray. And those who are not, simply keep these friends in your thoughts.

A friend from work, who lost his mother to a surprise bout of very quick moving cancer.

A friend from home, who lost her babies before she even had a chance to know them.

Keep them in your thoughts and prayers, this holiday season will be difficult for them, as will many to come.

My heart goes out to you both.

Last Day

2009-11-30T10:59:00.000-08:00

So, we have a bit of a last day tradition in fuels. I won't go into too many details, but I do have a short video clip to share...

The entire thing is much longer. I'll get the rest up here eventually!

Lessons Learned

2009-11-26T19:00:00.001-08:00

For several months now, people have asked how I felt about my time in the military, and I would say that I learned a lot.

A lot about life, about love, about work, etc. Mostly, I learned a lot about myself, though it has taken me some time to understand that.

Now, this being said....

LEAVING the military has taught me all sorts of new things!

1) If you haven't touched it or looked at it in at least 6 months, probably can live without it. Throw it away.

2) Do not ignore cobwebs. Ever. They grow!!! And they are a royal pain to clean when they are in every corner.

3) Don't collect things unless you mean it... And don't have collections of collections. Eventually, someone's going to have to sort through all that stuff!

4) Don't ever skimp on periodic dusting. Seriously. Routine maintenance cleaning saves a LOT of work on the final overhaul. Or would have if I had been more diligent about it.

5) Just because you can afford a home that big, does NOT mean you need one that big. More places for cobwebs, dust and collections to accumulate.

Seriously, I don't ever want to have to clean a house this thoroughly again. BTW, it's 4 am.

Random acts

2009-11-26T18:59:00.001-08:00

Since I do not have laundry machines anymore, I came on base to clean the clothes going into my luggage. While waiting for the dryer, I spotted three army guys looking disappointed that the little shoppette was closed.
I told them that the north one was open, but turns out they are just stuck here (cue the southern drawl) "Like a turtle on it's back" waiting for a flight and have no idea where anything is, nor do they have any transportation. So I gave them a ride.
Happy Thanksgiving, spread it around.
Note: was so busy today I forgot to post this till fifteen hours afterwards! LOL

-- Posted From My iPod Touch

Hardest thing I have ever done

2009-11-26T10:04:00.001-08:00

Dog is with his new family. I can't talk any more about it right now.

My cat and my posessions

2009-11-24T03:37:00.001-08:00

Sneakers is gone. Lori came to get her last night. I think she will have a good life, but I miss her already.
Lori said she would send email updates and pictures so I know how my kitty is doing.
But right now, I have more immediate concerns. At this very moment, the movers are here packing up my things. All my posessions are being boxed. It is such a relief to feel as though I am finally on my way. As things get checked off the list, my stress level goes down. Sure, the transition will still be hard, but now I understand how much of my stress was just about getting things done here.
Get ready for me!
Finally, I'm coming home to you!

-- Posted From My iPod Touch

Whew...

2009-11-23T05:22:00.003-08:00

My second to last duty day ad I have spent most of it trying to get my car transferred to Mr Charming (AKA Neff). Mostly, we got the insurance and paperwork done. Still need to actually get the car registered so I can out process vehicle registration, but that will have to wait. Grrrrrrrr...
I am almost out of here. Almost done with the house, car almost taken care of. When those things are done, the rest of my outprocessing checklist will just sort of fall into place.
Almost there....

-- Posted From My iPod Touch

Time off

2009-11-23T05:22:00.001-08:00

I would have preferred this to have come before all my house appointments, but I will enjoy it nonetheless.
I fly out on dec 10th. After today, I work two more days until then, both of them are Mondays.
Unfortunately, for much of the remaining time off, I will have very little privacy.
Oh well, in a few weeks, I will have my own apartment, in america, with nothing in it. LOL

-- Posted From My iPod Touch

To my faithful readers

2009-11-18T10:48:00.000-08:00

A blog is only worth blogging if people read it. So I would like to take this moment to thank those who read on a regular basis.
First of all, Betty, who not only reads, but leaves comments from time to time!
The spammer who left a paragraph consisting only of nouns, half of them being "Viagra"
Hannah, who says my blog is always worth a laugh.
Aislin, who uses my blog as an excuse to claim she knows all.
Bonnie, who usually has something funny to say in response.
My ex wife, who reads it religiously and sends snippets to my coworkers, thinking I won't find out about them.
Amy, who even is a registered follower.
"The Redhead" who shall remain unnamed, but gets choice segments in her e-mail from time to time. Well, no need to thank her, after all, this is the woman who walked past my parked car in the middle of the night when I was working the next day and assumed I was in another city getting drunk before work and called the cops.
And to all others, leave comments and I will know you read!
And Ex-wife, feel free to comment directly to me, instead of just to people I work with.

-- Posted From My iPod Touch

Brownies

2009-11-18T00:54:00.000-08:00

So, TSgt Masak brought brownies in for us. First, the FNG declared it to be illegal to eat brownies before noon. Then someone pulled a solitary paper plate from their duffel bag - only one they had in there amongst the fuel soaked cold weather gear. Then Mr Paper plate was
the only one to drop his brownies on the floor. Then someone found, get this, a pea in his brownie.
So much excitement for 0719!

-- Posted From My iPod Touch

OhgodOhgodOhgod

2009-11-17T10:18:00.000-08:00

So, I'm on the verge of a panic attack here, have been for hours. Sitting around work, not doing much, and all I can think about is how much at home still needs to be done.
Looking at the calendar, so few days. I have the times between getting off work and goin to bed, tonight through Friday, then the weekend, to get all the extra stuff out of my house. If I am not cleaning walls and carpets by Sunday, I am kinda screwed. Not enough time, not enough time!!
Ok, breath... Tomorrow, Rouleau will help me clear out the attic. If I can get the livingroom clear tonight, that fives me Thursday through Saturday to get my bedroom, the shed and yard, the extra furniture...
Oh geeze. I need an army of cleaners! HELP
Oh, and of course, even better, now I have all sorts of other personal issues coming to a head right now, add in the panic over my entire life about to change in every way possible, and yeah. I'm freaking out here.

-- Posted From My iPod Touch

OMG!!! I did it!!!

2009-11-17T01:51:00.001-08:00

I just turned in m line badge! I am no longer a driver!!! I am now only a trainer!
Whoo hooooooo!!!!!!!!!

-- Posted From My iPod Touch

Inspection - big deal

2009-11-17T01:51:00.000-08:00

So, we are being inspected this week. I had hoped to have my line badge turned in so that I would not be a part of it, but we have een too busy for me to have a chance. Today, I got inspected twice. As I have been saying all along, no big deal. Management is freaking out over this inspection and I know we'll ace it, like we always do. Because that's just how we roll here. Yeah, you heard me. I may be in a hurry to leave, but I know we're awesome, and I am proud of it.
Who the hell?!?
POL!!!

-- Posted From My iPod Touch

Progress! And issues therein...

2009-11-15T15:02:00.001-08:00

So, I have designated a corner of the livingroom to be the "Keep" pile. Another corner is for items I am giving away to guys at work. I made a list, I'm bringing it in tomorrow... err... today. (might be time for bed!)

I'd estimate 90% of what is left scattered around will be thrown away. Of course, there's still the bedroom, attic and shed. *sigh*

As I get more and more stuff gone, it becomes painfully clear to me that I will not be able, realistically, to get rid of enough to fit "my entire life" into a car. So, it seems I need to locate a small, maybe 10 cubic foot, storage area. I can drop the stuff of there, proceed on my road trip with only what I need while driving, and when done, simply fetch it at my earliest convenience.

Still, I need to get rid of most of this crap.

I think I have done a very good job being brutal with myself. I've been a packrat most of my life, and now, the rat's nest is getting cleared out. If I can sort out the stuff in the area behind my chair, and get the "Give away" items gone, that will leave me with my chair and the internet equipment (and the keep pile to be packed) in this room. And, seeing how 75-80% of my stuff is in this room, that's a good thing! I found a taker for the dresser, possibly for the wardrobe, and I have one for my bed. Progress!!!

Words to live by that are NOT from Dan Millman's books!

2009-11-15T06:50:00.000-08:00

Sci Fi is a wealth of source material!

Commander Adama from Battlestar Galactica

"A man takes responsibility for his actions, right or wrong. He accepts the consequences and lives with them. Every day."

Echo.... echo... echo........

2009-11-14T06:05:00.001-08:00

Last night, I realized there was a slight echo in my livingroom. This was after I spent almost two hours sorting, packing and throwing things away. With almost all my furniture gone, the floor has been a mess. I got a substantial section completely cleared and then proceeded to vacuum it.

As of this morning, that vacuumed area has almost doubled and the echo has become rather distinctive. Progress!

Fly Boy

2009-11-13T01:14:00.000-08:00

Oh yeah, forgot to add the pic!

Quotes of the day

2009-11-12T14:37:00.000-08:00

In order of appearance:

F16 Pilot: "Don't bump your head on the missile."

I could see that being messy...

"Don't pull anything with a yellow handle... Please..."

There's so many yellow handles in the cockpit! So tempting!!!

Coworker: "I don't want my vagina run through like a train track!"

I'm not entirely sure how this came up from "Want to come to my party?" but it only took about 90 seconds to get from A to B...

Veteran's Day

2009-11-11T15:17:00.000-08:00

Veteran's Day has come and gone and left me a bit contemplative. I'll be a veteran in a few short weeks.

I've been here for six years and spent most of it angry, bitter, depressed and wanting to be anywhere else. And I'm afraid to admit, I have not always been very proud of what I do.

But now, as my term of service draws to a close, I find myself remembering the good times more than the bad. And I realize that I am really going to miss not just the people I have met and worked with, but the job, the base, and the Air Force. They changed me in ways I am only just beginning to understand.

I am very, very proud to have been a small part of this great Air Force. But in response to those who would thank me for my service, let me instead thank you. For supporting me, for supporting all of us, for reminding us why we do what we do.

We do it for you, and we are grateful to you for that, as strange as it may sound.

Random...

2009-11-09T11:58:00.002-08:00

Me: Sgt Masak, what do non smokers do to waste five minute segments of time?

Sgt Masak: I dunno, Google?

-- Posted From My iPod Touch

Sleep would be good

2009-11-09T11:58:00.000-08:00

I think... I cannot be 100% sure...
I think I just compared a militry cargo plane and it's fuel load to a pregnant woman who's ultrasound Looks like a sea monkey. Over the radio...

-- Posted From My iPod Touch

What a night

2009-11-08T03:38:00.000-08:00

Well, everyone has left my house now. The girls got home safe, I personally verified they entered their own homes. The guys just left together back to the dorms.

There's beer cans all over the place.

Miller Lite. Ewww.

The girls' car is still here... They need to come get that sometime today. Also, someone is coming over to get some furniture. I've decided t

hat anything left here after next weekend goes to the dump, even if I have to pay to get it there. I'm through fiddling with the yard sale site.

I need this place ready for TMO in 12 days!

Anyway, I'll post a few pictures from the Dining Out.

There is Pizza sauce on my kitchen floor...

2009-11-07T18:09:00.001-08:00

which leads me to believe I ate pizza that had been on the floor...

So. Wild night. Combat Dining Out. Was fun, Bonnie talked me into going, and I am glad she did for a few reasons. One, I had fun. Two, spent time with friends I may never see again. Three... they all came to my place and continued partying. Which means, though I have a mess to clean up, I was able to verify no one drove drunk, and everyone slept someplace safe. Some of these guys were pretty wasted, and no telling what might have happened if they went someplace else.

I'm exhausted and going to bed. Will deal with pizza floor tomorrow.

Travel Blog kinda sorta started

2009-11-05T14:57:00.001-08:00

Ok, so I got the Travel Blog sorta started. Not travelling yet, but at least I can pass out the URL.

http://macdracorswanderings.blogspot.com/

Watch me wander!

It is strange...?

2009-11-05T11:02:00.000-08:00

So... Is it odd that I was more disturbed by Wheaton trying to put his finger in my ear than I was by him grabbing my junk?
It's an odd place that I work...

-- Posted From My iPod Touch

So an airman got sodomized by an inanimate object today...

2009-10-29T06:37:00.000-07:00

Leyba backed against an exposed bolt on a pantograph sampling connector which promptly ripped a hole in the seat of his pants and poked him pretty good. We're all fairly amused by this.

Adding to the list...

2009-10-26T16:52:00.001-07:00

I was just called Pickles!

Oh FFS!

2009-10-25T11:47:00.000-07:00

Seven am and they are watching jackass. Help me.
"What, you don't like jackass?"
"No... I'm over the age of six."

-- Posted From My iPod Touch

Guys at my house to get stuff

2009-10-24T11:30:00.001-07:00

I was supposed to e-mail this to someone, but the picture won't load, so it has been requested that I put it here. So here ya go!

Umumumumm...

2009-10-24T10:13:00.001-07:00

Ok so I stayed up way too late last night on the phone but it was worth it even though I was really tired today. I was walking in circles singing above te APU noise to try to stay awake and it wasn't working so I asked sgt Czap to get me a java monster even though I despise energy drinks it is more like iced coffee/crack. This was three hours ago and I am totally tweaked out I just spent twenty minutes staring at the ceiling. There's like this wire mesh holding the semi insulation in place and I was looking for bent or misplaced wires and I even got Spencer to do it with me till he realized how nutty it was and I laughed. Two of the FNGs are coming to my house to takestff and they better hurry!!!!

-- Posted From My iPod Touch

Accomplishment!

2009-10-23T07:11:00.001-07:00

As of yesterday, I had about a dozen overdue items on my outprocessing checklist.
As of right now, I am fully up to date, and even a couple days ahead of schedule. I also have a flight date! I leave December tenth, though I don't have a time yet.
Unfortunately, they insisted on giving me the flu again this year. Thank the gods for whoever invented the flu mist! Having blown my nose and spit immediately afterwards, I may be able to avoid getting sick again this year.
I do not get sick, unless injected with an illness by a "professional". And even if I do, it usually only lasts a day or two when everyone else is out for weeks. I have a month and a half to get over it (if I got it at all) before I fly.
Feels SO good to be on my way out!!!

-- Posted From My iPod Touch

Overheard at work

2009-10-22T15:35:00.000-07:00

Katan "I wiped the floor with Leyba"
Leyba "So did your mom!"
Me "Wait, are you bragging that his mom beat you at ping pong?"
Leyba "It was a turnon..."

-- Posted From My iPod Touch

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!

2009-10-22T07:32:00.000-07:00

I got it!!! I have my outprocessing in checklist!!! It has officially begun! I'm really on my way out!!!
USA, here I come!!!
I am finally "coming home" to you!!!

-- Posted From My iPod Touch

"I knew Europe was small, but not THAT small."

2009-10-20T16:54:00.000-07:00

So, I'm talking to Betty in Yahoo, and somehow food poisoning comes up. I tell her about the two times I have had it. Once, when I was all alone at home and had to use SL for some sense of human contact in between vomiting, and once when Sam came and visited me.

She pipes in saying she only had food poisoning once, at some restaurant in Belgium called Le petite something...

The food poisoning I had with Sam was at a restaurant called Le Petite Oignon. In Belgium.

I almost pissed myself laughing at this!

So, free travel tip! Do NOT go to Le Petite Oignon, in Brussels!

Man, screw this

2009-10-17T09:57:00.001-07:00

We are watching the new star trek movie... And I made the mistake of pointing out a few... discrepancies.
They're all making fun of me now. At least once every five minutes I find myself saying "Man, f*ck all y'all!"
But I do have to admit that this is kinda funny and cliche. Making fun of the geek. "you all suck!"

-- Posted From My iPod Touch

Duh! Moment

2009-10-16T10:33:00.000-07:00

So a couple weeks ago, one of our guys got hit by a car while walking. Like, he went over the top of the car as it sped away. Today, we were talking about now my knee is aching from the cold and he says...
"yeah, I start physical therapy next week."
"what did YOU do??"
"got hit by a car..."
This was about the moment I burst out laughing, feeling like a moron. Duh!

-- Posted From My iPod Touch

Lessons learned

2009-10-15T10:29:00.001-07:00

Last night, while trying to talk people through their own crises, I had a minor issue of my own. To get rid of some of my stuff, someone had suggested ramsteinyardsales.com
So I started posting ads...
I got about seven items posted when the chaos began. Within seconds, I had email and IMs going. It took 45 minutes for things to calm down, and it was very quickly that I realized a couple things.
I needed a system to keep track of who was buying what and when. I also realized that I would never again post so many items at a time!
It settled down at almost midnight and it was shortly afterwards that a thought occured to me... People are coming tomorrow, and these wall units and cabinets and such still had all my stuff in and on them... They needed to be emptied before I went to bed!
So... It was about two before I went to bed. Lesson learned! LOL

-- Posted From My iPod Touch

We knew this day would come...

2009-10-15T10:29:00.000-07:00

It is here. It has happened. My moving has just gotten more complex. Ladies and gents, the first frost if the year! Heaven help us...

-- Posted From My iPod Touch

Deep breaths...

2009-10-15T06:32:00.000-07:00

Just three hours left... So tired... Want sleep... Oh yeah, I have to give stuff to strangers before I can go to bed. Urg. My legs are shaking and I feel woozy. What happened to the time I could stay awake for three days with no problem? I must be getting old. Oh well, old or not, I'm gonna enjoy the ride!

-- Posted From My iPod Touch

Why oh why...

2009-10-14T11:19:00.000-07:00

..does no one ever believe me?

There is an ancient Greek Myth about a woman named Cassandra, who spurned the advances of Apollo. Infuriated by this mortal refusing him, he cursed her with prophecy.

The curse was simple, elegant and devastating. She could see the future - disasters, primarily - but no one would ever believe her. She predicted the downfall of Troy, the part Paris would play in it, and who all would die. She predicted that Ulysses would eat his own friends - they were later turned into some apparently VERY yummy pigs.

Cassandra later exiled herself to a deserted island to be free from the torment of watching her visions come true.

I can totally relate to that.

I don't generally see disasters. What comes to me is more like... a gut feeling. Intuition, rather than prophecy. The usual formula goes as follows:

A friend (usually a female) begins to talk about someone else (usually male). This may be a friend, or someone she just met, or someone she is dating/married to, whatever. I get a feeling deep down in the pit of my stomach.

If it is a good feeling (admittedly very rare), then these two are a match made in heaven and things will be happy and sparkly.

More often, it is a bad feeling. A bad feeling means "RUN! Don't have anything to do with this person!"

I used to tell them that I didn't think it was a good idea to hang out/date/stay married to/whatever this person. But they never... EVER listen.

Maybe it's a week. Maybe it's a year... But eventually, all of them say the same thing "I should have listened to you."

And then they go and meet someone else, I get a bad feeling, they ignore it, and we start all over again.

So, I just stopped telling people about it. So now, I end up carrying this secret knowledge that this person is possibly in danger and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. I think it's worse, but I can't tell.

Two most recent examples...

A friend back home told me about her best buddy. They were both married to other friends, but hung out a lot. I got a bad feeling, but it wasn't the strongest ever, so I ignored it. Well, now they are both getting a divorce and, while she has no interest in him as anything other than a friend, he's pushing for dates and making her VERY uncomfortable.

An ex of mine ended up seeing this guy that I have never met. From the very instant she mentioned his name, I took a strong dislike to him. Now, before you say jealousy, let me tell you that I considered that. And so I said nothing, ignoring the cold hard lump in my stomach. Later, she started telling me more about him. He's a bit paranoid. Spies on her. Won't let her be friends with other guys... Feeling got stronger. Like... I felt sick.

So I told her about my concern. I even tried my best to back it up with reasons. She totally brushed it off as me being too close to the situation, jealous of him, etc.

Later, she told me more. I felt like I might vomit. She still discounted my feelings, saying "Oh, I was just griping. He's not that bad."

Well, I got a front row seat to his behavior very recently. Frankly, I think he may be dangerously insane. And she refuses to even answer when I ask if this is really how she wants to be treated.

Seriously, I would love nothing more than for someone to prove me wrong one of these days. Because if someone can prove me wrong, then it means that it's not always going to be true. And if it's not always true, then I can relax when I get one of these feelings! But no. No one yet. I wonder if Cassandra has room on her island for a roommate...

Argh

2009-10-14T10:38:00.000-07:00

You never really know how much crap you have in your house till it is time to get rid of it.

I need to sort my house into 3 groups.

Keep

Trash

Sell

Keep MUST be the smallest! I need to be able to fit my life into a car next year!

ARGH! Where do I start? Where do I start? And while I am trying to figure this out, seems everyone around me is having a small personal crisis. I'm having a great deal of trouble focusing right now.

Ok. Deep breaths... Deep breaths...

The Path I Follow

2009-10-03T13:53:00.000-07:00

It's not easy. I find myself straying from the path every now and then. Anyone following this, or a similar path WILL stray sometimes, and if they ask me for advice, I'll inevitably say something like...

"It's ok to lose your way from time to time. Don't be too hard on yourself. Just recognize where you went wrong and find your way back."

I've never been particularly good at following my own advice...

I had what seems to have been an argument with one of my oldest and dearest friends a couple days ago. It started off as a fun filled, very entertaining conversation, and she said something totally innocent that just pushed a button inside me. And a pretty stupid button, too. In fact, the entire premise on which my response was based... was pretty stupid.

But I responded nonetheless, in what can really only be termed an outburst. And unfortunately, I think I hit a pretty deep nerve, and I think I hit it pretty hard.

She's hardly spoken ten words to me since, and then, only to check on how a mutual friend (who has been very sick recently) is doing. Said she had to go. I said I hoped we could talk soon, she said probably not.

I know I made a mistake, and I know I should learn from it, move on, get back on the Path and hope that she accepts my apology. I know I should not beat myself up about this too bad. After all, mistakes happen. Arguments happen.

It's so easy to fall into the old trap of "What if..."

What if I have ruined a friendship that lasted the better part of a decade? What if I really hurt her badly? What if the damage is irreparable?

Of the many marital troubles I had with my ex wife, I think I could have dealt with all but one. When she was angry, she refused to speak to me. Sometimes for days at a time, during which my mind would go crazy and race along at an insane pace of worry and wondering.

I've never dealt well with silence. I can handle "I need some time to think before we talk." better than... well, nothing at all. As long as I know that there is some sort of communication on the horizon, I can cope.

I deal with the idea of my own inevitable death better than I deal with the idea of unfinished business with someone I care about!

*sigh*

Next spring, I am taking a road trip across the entire USA to visit friends and celebrate being totally free. Without this friend to visit... I might skip my home state completely. I have no desire to be caught up in my family's dramas, as much as I love them. Maybe I am overreacting, but I find myself wondering if it will be a matter of months or a matter of years before I set foot in my own state again. Ok, that's just silly talk. I need to go see my lawyer in person at some point anyway.

Gah! I'm rambling. I need to go to bed. But I feel a little better now, I hate holding things inside, and even if no one ever reads this entry, I feel better having written it. And who knows... maybe my friend will, and maybe she will understand how sorry I am.

I try to always give second chances, and I try to never expect them. But when I get one, I ALWAYS do better.

Shutting up now.

MacDracor's Rambles

Late night discoveries

Losing faith

Gestures

Every little bit helps!

Ok, so maybe that wasn't very smart.

Funniest. Thing. EVER.

Insomnia is a bitch

Well, shit. What else can happen?

Sleepless nights

Holidays

Random recipe!

Oy...

Who Moved My Cheese? Book Review

Seriously

Have you ever...?

Goals

Is it bad...?

Does it get any easier?

Guy With a Shovel

The Sky is Falling! The Sky is Falling! *Buck buck bcGAW!*

Remember this

Fighting back!

Nifty stuff

OMG I MUST SHARE THIS!!!

For those of you wishing to break free

This week...

I haz internetz!!!

New Apartment: Day 1

New Apartment

Fresh Starts

Totally spaced on this!

Yoga

Still manage to surprise myself from time to time...

Completely Random Battlestar Galactica Quote

I couldn't not have a tree.

Still working on this...

*takes a tentative look outside*

Does everyone know what time it is?

Impossible goals

Foster Care

Grant me the serenity...

Songs

Athletic success... Technological failure.

The Disease

Goal not met... but exceeded.

From Vita Nuovo, "New Life"

Happy 4th of July.

One month

I had a son

These are the days of my life...

Spam Comments

The Favorite Quasi-Uncle

It happened! It really happened!

The dreaded ER...

Finality

Now wait just one cotton pickin minute!!!

A day without rain...

Issues and Delays

In Memory

Last Day

Lessons Learned

Random acts

Hardest thing I have ever done

My cat and my posessions

Whew...

Time off

To my faithful readers

Brownies

OhgodOhgodOhgod

OMG!!! I did it!!!

Inspection - big deal

Progress! And issues therein...

Words to live by that are NOT from Dan Millman's books!

Echo.... echo... echo........

Fly Boy

Quotes of the day

Veteran's Day

Random...

Sleep would be good

The Sky is Falling! The Sky is Falling! Buck buck bcGAW!

takes a tentative look outside